Never like this...
Hi everyone,
I have been using from the age of 16 and feel each time I get to this point it is a totally different place, but this time I am losing the person I love and that has helped me so much in my fight to be clean and life in general. I am not 22 and from 16 the longest I have managed to stay clean was the 9 months I was in jail. My DOC is heroin. I need hope; I feel I can’t do this, not like this. I can’t live without this person, and knowing it’s because of the drug that I am losing her is paralyzing. How do you cope with lose without dulling yourself? And in a situation like this where using has me so mentally unstable, how do I get clean now? We are still under the same roof, I was just allowed back after I left for a few days, but I left her alone, to deal with my problem, what about hers. I’m the one that is there for her, how am I supposed to deal with both of our problems with out setting mine aside??? Her happiness and well being in more important to me then my own. She will be gone in 2 weeks. I do not want to live anymore my life has been one disaster after another and I’m going no where. School, work, my house none of it matters when I am mentally fu**ed. I love God, but I can’t wait to go to sleep each night and end a day, just to wake up hating the next. This cycle is destroying me as a person, what is left behind the drugs at least.
Ryan