liesagain

My husband is in treatment and for the last 5 months we have been in a marriage therapy class.

One of the recent assignments for the wives was to go thru a list of words.........like abandonment, rejection, betrayal and such

so with each word we were to review our husbands actions and behaviors (this was a forgiveness lesson) and we were to write about times that his actions brought up those feelings for us............

As I was doing the lesson I came to see that some events that have occurred over the last few years are now for me..........just facts, no real emotional pain attached anymore because i have been able to work thru those things..........

But there were things that still had pain attached and one thing was the LIES
(not a surprise look at my name here)

anyhow while I was doing the lesson and writting out the lies over the years I started in the very beginning............

I knew things about him and his history.......yet I continued to ask him questions about these type of things...........and he began to tell me the "lies" that would allow me to look at his past in a better more comfortable light...........

essentially I NEEDED and WANTED his lies...........those lies allowed me to move forward in the relationship

I didnt see then that I knew the truths from the start ............but I did and i didnt know that I was basically asking him to lie to me, to tell me the story that would make it okay to be with him............but thats what I was doing.

So the light came on and I saw myself and saw that I held a part in the lies..............I wanted and needed them at that time.

Today, I forgive not only him for the lies but forgive myself for needing and somehow wanting them.......

(not sure if this makes any sense but thanks for lettting me share)