Aysha-
Thank you for communicating the
'incomprehensible demoralization'
talked about in the Big Book...
I could FEEL the waves of it while I read the post.
I remember. Quite vividly thanks to your post.
The good news is -
it sounds like you're finally there...
the bottom.
"I just can't do it any more. Help Me."
are the most eloquently humble words an alcoholic can utter.
I, too, lost a job, all my bar 'friends' my great reputation ...
in the span of ONE shift.
It took a while sober before
I could realize that my 'fall' didn't happen
without years of warning.
But when it finally hit
the world went from a dream
to stunningly real.
So real it was surreal.
So I KNOW like few others where you are right now.
And I'm telling you -
you never have to feel this way again.
You're in a perfect place to finally make a choice.
And in choosing -
you can truly change everything.
I did.
And I'll hang out here and check in from time to time
because I want what I've found ... for you as well.
It's a miraculous world
once the sedatives wear off.
I don't know why we alcoholics have to hurt ourselves so much
we just do.
Thank you for helping me stay sober today.