worst scenario and how to handle it?
Saturday was tough. I woke up calm and happy and it was a gorgeous day. I've got almost 14 months clean. I came very close today to finding something anything that would calm me down.
I was involved in a highway accident completely stopped on an offramp of an interstate and someone was rubbernecking a wreck up on the interstate and plowed into the back of our car. My daughter had a bad headache and I had all sorts of bad scenarios running thru my head----- I was worried about her and I was shaking all over. My child is okay, I'm watching for any delayed problems that might crop up due to a possible head injury but so far everything is fine. My nerves though are frazzled. I really really wanted to put something in me that made me calm and I did not care at the time what it was be it a drink or a drug. Fortunately the consequences of all that would not be worth it but I know in my heart if the situation had been more dire I would have and not cared either about any consequences. I imagine too how I would react in my non addict days and I would have had a glass of wine. If I had been in NYC during 911 I know I would have hit a bar that day no question about it.
So how does an addict stay clean when the really really bad things happen? I was very blessed today everyone made it home alive but it was simply by God's grace. And I did not use or drink but only by a hair.