Originally Posted by
RoseSalud 
Right now, I'm living in a country that does not have english-speaking AA meetings; I'll be back in the states end of December. So I've been reading these threads, and trying to answer as many questions as I can to fully realize the length, danger, and complete powerlessness I have with alcohol.
Admitted I was an alcoholic about a year ago, went to a few AA meetings, relapsed about 6 months ago (after 45 day of sobriety...cause I was gonna 'prove' I could drink normally. Ha)
6 months later..and only in the last few days have I finally tried to work Step 1, on my own. Wrote out a bio of my life, and realized that from the very get-go I was an alcoholic, and even when I 'thought' I was controlling my drinking, it was only because I was substituting it with some other substance.
Basically I've spent the past two days doing this - I'm only sober two days so far - but I woke up Friday morning finally feeling suicidal (I only say 'finally', because usually I'd just wake up depressed or guilty or shameful, and think 'never again'...I never understand how people could actually want to end their life over drinking! But I hit that point two days ago. I'm sick. Tired. Both physically, and mentality I cannot handle this obsession any longer!)
So my question = what else to do for step 1? Where do I go? I don't have my big book with me here...but I just feel like if I stop 'working' on a step, then I'll slip, and I absolutely cannot do that.
I doubt I'm ready for step 2 - just cause it's only been 2 days of sobriety! But any advice so where to turn next would be awesome (oh, and also if any one knows of online - sponsor opportunities until I get back to the States).
Thanks for the support,
Rose
Sounds to me like you've already took the First Step. Actually, I think you know that without me having to tell you.
In fact, Step One is not a "we" step. The First Step is an intensely and an entirely personal and internal experience. That is why the book says that we have to admit to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic and that experience is the first step towards recovery from alcoholism. Others can walk beside us and help to guide us, the journey itself is an inner, solitary journey.
And if you've taken the First Step, that means that you are ready for The Second Step. Logically, there is no place else to go. And it isn't as hard as it seems. Because it really isn't about belief, it is about willingness and willingness is about action. Last month, a guy called me up. He had drank again after a period of sobriety. I asked him if he believed himself alcoholic and was he licked and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted to stop for good and was he willing to go to any extreme to do so and he said yes. Then I asked him if he believes in God and he said "I think so." I told that is a good place to start, that in fact it is the only place he can start. There is the first two steps right there.
Now I am going to ask the same thing of you that I asked of him. Get your book and open it to Chapter Five. Read from the beginning up to page 63. Consider what it says when it talks about the position we are asked to take. That from here on out God is the director, God is the principal and we are the agent, God is the Father and we are the children. Consider what it means to sincerely take that position. Consider what it means to have a new Employer. Now look at the prayer itself and consider what is saying.
After considering these terms, ask yourself if you are ready to take that position. Then get back to us and we'll go from there.
Jim