The man with no shoes thinks he has a problem...until he meets a man with no feet.
If we compare ourselves to others, we may come to see that our problems are smaller. Yet, if we were to do that, we wouldn't be able to heal. Addiction, and more specifically, recovery, is a selfish process. It has to be. We need to be focused on ourselves in order for the healing process to commence.
If you were to look at me without knowing my addiction, you would see a very fortunate woman. I have a beautiful home. My husband makes a wonderful living which affords me the ability to stay home while I recover from my illness. My children are healthy, happy and well provided for. I have a grandchild who I am blessed with and another on the way. I have a career as a nurse which brings me a lot of gratification. We go out for dinners, to the movies and enjoy a lot of the luxuries that others can't obtain right now. I am involved with several charity organizations that not only allow me to give back to others, but give me a feeling of self-worth by knowing i am helping others.
Life, by all measure and appearance, looks bright. I have a life that many would envy...on the surface.
However, I am sick. I need to focus on myself during this time because if I don't, I would succumb quite easily to the throes of my addiction. Relapse is only one pill away for me. Every day is a struggle this early in my recovery. Upon waking, it is one of the first things I think of...how will I get through this day without using. I do make it a part of my recovery to do selfless deeds, to give back. I have connected with people who are recovering. I give them rides to our counseling sessions. I have watched their children for them while they have gone to AA or NA meetings. I do what I can, whenever I can.
However, I can't overtax myself or burden myself too much. Stress triggers me a great deal, so I have to do what I can to take care of myself. Sometimes, that means staying away from others who are still actively using or in crisis situations.
I know it is selfish to some degree. But for now, it has to be this way. I am not yet strong enough to bear the burdens of others. That strength grows and increases a little every day...but I cannot help but "baby" myself to a certain degree. I am useless, powerless over the lives of others if I do not take care of my own first and foremost. I cannot belittle my addiction by understanding that there are others around me whose problems are greater by comparison.
In essence, I am fighting for my life. That is an extremely selfish process...but a cross I am willing to bear in order to get my life back on track enough that I can continue to be of service to others.
I do understand the deeper meaning of your original post, Vin. I take it to heart. I know that there are some who are groveling in the street for their next meal. Sometimes I feel poorly that all I can do is throw some money in the direction of their issue in hopes of alleviating it. It's a temporary fix...a band aid on a bullet wound, if you will. But for now, it is all I can do until I have fought this beast just enough to strip it of its power.
I'm not there yet...but I will be. And when I am deeper into recovery and stronger, I will always make ammends for the times I could not be there for my fellow man.