Day 4 without a drink and all is well… family is still here. The wife and I watched How I Met Your Mother and Top Chef after getting our son to bed last night. We actually sat on the couch together and shared a bowl of chips and salsa. It was nice… but a little awkward… yet didn’t feel forced. Does that make sense? And we’re not sleeping in separate beds… although it will probably be a long long time before we hold hands again. But, for right now that bowl of salsa is bliss. She being really amazing though, I have to say that I am probably one of the luckiest guys in the world. She’s smart, beautiful, funny, and a wonderful mom… sure, she still thinks I am untrustworthy and a scumbag, but the fact that she’s still her tells me that she loves me… at least some part of her still. At least she’s not putting on a show for my son… after all… we’re sharing Salsa.
The three of us ventured out today to go shopping. It was nice. I had a cup of tea rather than my normal midafternoon weekend beer. I think I’ve forgotten how nice a cup of tea is. After we got home I took my son to a birthday party… was offered a beer about ten times by the parents and various other adult party goers. (As I said, it’s a drinking culture). I simply told me “I wasn’t feeling it today”… and for a couple people I didn’t want to talk to I said, “I think it’s the H1N1.” That excuse works like a charm.
Anyway… one thing I noticed: the annoying conversations with drunken people. Am I really that annoying when I am drinking? Erg… who knows… I just know this… I felt like a wall flower in the party… even it being a kid’s party. I didn’t really feel loose… but it was okay… I just focused on my kid… watched him interacting with everyone else from afar. The kid makes me laugh and its excellent entertainment.
I noticed one of other thing too. When I told people “I’m not feeling it today”… that’s how I feel about 50% of the time… but my Heroes Flaw seems to be the inability to turn down a drink. If someone offers me a beer I say “but of course”… and have 7. I think I was finally honest today, “I’m not feeling it”.
Dee: AA in the Balkans… I am sure it exists… in some form… but it’s a drinking/smoking/meat eating culture over here… they probably have interventions for people who don’t drink enough. Lol! At least for right now… I think I am doing okay… I look forward to my SR updates… and obviously I like to write… I hope people don’t mind my transcendental diatribes. I probably have the added benefit of an overwhelming motivating factor (not to say I won’t lose ground at some point)… I have a reason to quit now. I quit smoking when my wife gave me the “I am carrying your child and you can’t quit smoking” lecture. It’s almost poetic that I am taking on drinking in the face of my second kid.
I just hope I am able to hold my family together through this. I just isn’t worth taking anything for granted anymore. Anyway, we have one more birthday party tonight… but an adult birthday party. No worries though… this party is for one of the Mormon families at post. Lol! I never thought I would look so forward to hanging with the dry faction of our community!
VC – Thanks for the kind words!
Snowbunnie – “Good night noises everywhere”…