hello crashed and welcome to sr.your story dosnt sound too dissimilar to mine,in as your drinking habits.i am 37 now and it took me until the begining of this year before i finally realised i really and honestly wanted to quit.i had tried various times to stop drinking on my own after one disaster after another and every time i went back and drank again.this time i undesrstood that to stop and stay stopped things had to drastically change,i had to change.so i went to AA (i had been before but didnt if im honest want to stop).i have been sober just over 9 months.the craving for alcohol left me very quickly and i rarely think of it now.i got a sponsor in AA and got on the 12 step recovery programme.my life has changed beyond all recognition.i am never lonely or irritable or discontent.i have been gifted with a programme for living and see the world through new eyes.my life was just like yours,trying to count the cans and just have so many so i would be ok for work the next day,my money was counted in cans.but there came the day when i lost control of trying to control if that makes sense? i was obsessed.that obsession has been removed.my life is great now,i love it and feel useful.have you thought of giving AA a try?