Hey bumpkin.
I don't know if I can totally relate to what you're saying but I do understand you, or I think I understand you.
Now its horrifying. I spend whole days thinkin about how illusionary existence is and since in my former life, I took pride in such thoughts, its difficult for me to ignore them and carry on with everyday life, which seems so banal.
I think this COULD be your addicted mind trying to wear you down, trying to get an excuse for go back to drinking again. Giving you a reason to think that you NEED a drink cos you're so smart that you can see trough all of lifes (illusionary) BS. Well, alcohol will deifinetely make it illusionary, as you very well know
I think these thoughts that you have are "fine" really but you mustn't let them become "you". Life IS illusionary, but it's so much more than that. Let it be illusionary but don't forget to live and love and all that cos that's what it's really all about. I think we are afraid to really live and so we chose to view life through cynical glasses as to give us an excuse to not really participate and "what da he** why not just get wasted anyway huh?"
Just my 2 p's..
Stay strong and positive