running free,
You asked how to be in recovery from this dysfunction. There are a lot of recovery activities that have helped me become whole, learn to have healthy new relationships, and love without losing myself. I go to Alanon. The people there know the pain of living with the effects of alcoholism and addiction. Each person has a different set of circumstances, but the feelings and the results are the same. I work a 12 step program, which has helped me to define the incorrect lessons I learned growing up, and begin to correct them, with the help and support of my new friends in Alanon. I chose to also go to individual counselling, which has helped me grow in my new relationships and work through the fears and doubts and blunders that I continue to make (won't ever be perfect). If you seek help, it's there. If you are willing to try, it will work for you. There is a great book list in the powerposts at the top of the Alanon forum. If you are not ready to reach out, there is still a lot you can do for yourself. There's no quick fix, and everyone is different and may chose different paths, but anyone can begin recovering and changing any time they want. Hugs, Magic