Well, past behavior would be lies, all the time. He was always very busy lying about how much he was drinking, what he was doing, and who he was doing it with. The hardest part is, I am out of state. I can't even verify the little things, like "did you go to work today?" or "how is the garden doing?". Unless I hire someone to spy on him, there is no way for me to know if he is doing what he says he is or not. And don't think that hasn't crossed my mind, sometimes I feel like that would be the only way I could know for sure, is if I hired someone to follow him around for a week. But seriously, how warped is that?
The response that hit the nerve was yours, New Me... I would have to say that someone who is so lax about being around beer is NOT working hard on his recovery, he is simply not drinking right now. The fact that the beer was in the photograph, well, old habits die hard. He's not used to having to hide anything, because when he was questioned in the past, he would lie, and we wouldn't think twice about not believing him. I think thats why he's so mad now, because it didn't work this time. He did mention that sometimes he falls, but not far. I don't know what that is supposed to mean. I asked if he was still going to AA meetings, and he said a quick "yup". Are you still talking alot with your sponsor? "yup, I want a new one though, I don't like the one I have now." Doesn't like the meetings, because it's the same people saying the same things over and over again. Boring to him.
And he isn't working on any of his "precursor" problems, not that I know of. No therapy, no counciling. As soon as he no longer _had_ to go (meaning court ordered stuff), I 'm pretty sure he stopped. He has never called me or my sister and told us he was having a hard time, or he was blue, needed to chat, reached out to us, anything like that. Always on his best behavior, happy happy joy joy, I'm doing awesome, I'm so good at this, it's easy! Today is the first time he has ever mentioned that he has had trouble before, but won't tell me how he gets past it or through it. I feel like it's all part of the facade, I see now his recovery has been too perfect.
I have started going to Alanon, mandjas, which he actually mentioned as well. He told me I needed to start going to Alanon meetings, so I could learn how to support him. I'm not sure if he understands the real purpose of alanon, or maybe he actually does, and that was his way of reiterating the fact that he wants me to leave him alone and stop bothering him.
Many heartfelt thanks to everyone who responded to my plea for guidance. It is obvious to me now that it does not matter if he's telling the truth or not. The only thing that I need to realize from everything that happened today is the simple fact that he is not taking his recovery seriously. If he was serious about being sober, and turning his life around, he wouldn't be doing the things he is doing. Period. If he isn't going to take it seriously, then I can't have anything to do with it.