GingerBlue - I like you wanted to own my own recovery ... I wanted to control it. Like others have said, when I finally wasn't able to do that, I had to look elsewhere.
What I found was that my problem was that I wanted to control so many things in my life that were out of my control. Because of this, I created stress and anxiety for myself that wasn't helpful or necessary.
My problem was "needing to control" and my solution was alcohol.
So, I decided to let go of the control of my recovery to my higher power as a first step in working on my control problem.
So, nothing wrong with self-will and wanting to own your recovery, as long as you are honest with yourself about how successful your recovery is.
For me, I had to surrender and this led me to be quite happy in AA.
Just work hard on your recovery, whatever method you use.