Jo,
I can feel the anxiety you're feeling just from reading your posts.
For me balance is the key. I'm not an AA person, but I spend a lot of time here at SR. And, everyday I do some kind of exercise, I try to meditate or do something spiritual for myself, maybe reading or writing.
For me, stopping drinking took a few tries, but when I did stop, I felt immediate relief. My brain could no longer go to the place 'maybe I could have one drink'. It was no longer an option. I think you will find relief when you accept that you can no longer drink.