yeah, I don't think you need to do what Chris suggested at all Jo - in your gut, you already know that's not the solution.
I struggled with the exact same things you're struggling with -
- 'I've been sober x days - I feel great...I must have overreacted'...
- 'I'm just in a different obsession now - I used to obsess over drinking, now I obsess over recovery'...
- 'I just plain don't want this **** hanging over my bloody head every day for the rest of my life...other people don;t have to do this dammit!'
- 'It's not that hard...have two drinks...and stop....'
I could go on...but you get it.
Every time, but the last, I let those thoughts win, and every time they took me back to drinking....and it was never different...it was often worse, but it was never better.
The last time I quit, I learned not to listen to the crosstalk in my head.
I *detest* change. Especially if I think it's not entirely my idea. But the stakes were pretty high for me, so I knuckled under.
I'm glad I did.
I learned thinking about anything but today is a monumental waste of time and energy. One day at a time does NOT come naturally to me - but it really works.
Bottom line is....you can deal with it now, Jo - or you can be like me and deal with it later...when you've lost so much and the choice is a little more black and white between life and death.
But, if you want a different life than the one you've just come from, you have to deal with it...sometime.
D