Neo, I think what you're trying to come to terms with here is that you can no longer live the life of music, mellow, and addiction. Together they were a beautifiul thing in their own warped way, and that was the life you loved. Sorry guy, but you can't have that anymore. Deep down you know that and you miss it. But it's something you have to learn to deal with. Keep the music and mellow. Find something to replace the booze and drugs. It's the music that's important to the mood, not the other stuff.
And remember the miracle stuff? Little baby steps? Let the miracle happen here, too. The miracle's not just about sobriety. It's about the whole life thing.