Pelican

Do you want another adult (not a professionally licensed therapist or job supervisor) talking to you about YOUR problem? A problem that you are not willing to admit exists?

I tried talking to my AH about his drinking. He would come back with the standard: I was drinking when I met you. I'm not as bad as _________. I don't cheat. I have a steady income, etc....

I realized later after learning more about the codie/alkie relationship (dance) that he was quacking and I was nagging. We were not communicating.

I did try to communicate some of my boundaries. Not a whole laundry list, but one at a time, and only if he was sober and in a calm mood. I didn't want to sleep with my AH when he was smashed. He had sleep apnea and would start/stop snoring and sound like he was struggling for air throughout the night. Even with ear plugs in my ears it was too loud.

So one morning when he was remorseful and filled with self pity for sleeping alone, I told him that he makes too much noise when he sleeps after having more than a few beers. I don't get a good nights sleep when he is so loud. I stated my boundary(in hind sight I see that I added justification) and that was that.

He didn't offer to stop drinking and he didn't offer to sleep on the couch. I continued to use the air mattress as needed. It was later in the progression of addiction, that I suggested he put his drunk self on the air mattress.