hello gonezo and welcome to sr.i am 37 and had 20 years of chaos due to my alcoholism.it to is a very long story.what i couldnt deal with in the end was the numbness,i too was ready to start living.for years the numbness was welcome.but i had had enough.i went to AA at the begining of the year and attended many meetings.but there came a time when i thought there had to be more to it.i wasnt getting happy like i saw other folk and i was in emotional termoil as feeling started coming back and i didnt know how to cope with them,and indeed life in general.so i looked around for a sponsor,i looked for someone with a quiete confidence,a sparkle in their eye,someone who looked genuinely happy,and wasnt just putting on an act.a lady visited one of my regular meetings one day and i heard her share,i thought there and then i could tell her anything.so i asked her to be my sponsor.fast forward a few months,i worked very very hard with my sponsor whilst going throught the steps,i decided to just hang my coat up,roll my sleeves up and get on with all the suggestions she gave me straight out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.i cannot begin to expalin how much my life,my thoughts,my actions and my outlook has changed towards life.i can honestly say i feel reborn.this is one of the many promises made int he 12 steps.i have found that the emotional fog dosnt just lift with time,and indeed if you are alcoholic like me,unless you take a vigorous course of action towards a spiritual remedy then untreated alcoholism can be very unpleasant indeed.are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober? and i mean sober,not just the plug in the jug! if so i suggest you find someone in the rooms that looks like they have what you would like and get to work.i wish you well on your journey.