Hello there bumblebee, and pleased to "meet" you.
I think you're right, there are many ways of dealing with the extreme grief of losing your spouse that are _not_ self-destructive. I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think you are very observant and you are afraid for her health and her life. That is not selfish, that is very loving.
As to who _you_ can talk to? I agree with Wabbit, al-anon are the experts on dealing with a parent who is actively drinking. You can find out a lot of information on the subject right "next door" in the friends and family forum.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
check them out and let us know what you think.
Mike
