Hey Neo,
That masculine thing, yea, we got it; "work hard, don't cry, have a beer and watch the game, pound a few after work and don't belch in public, lol" Regardless of where we are, it seems the booze companies are always playing the "Be a Man!" angle, and we buy into it when we're young, and it sets the course for our perceptions of "real men" that persist till we run full speed smack into a twelve foot wall with the booze. Here in the US, it's hard to watch any sporting event without all the beer commercials, whiskey, Jack D.... on and on they roll. Be a Man, pound a shot and you're really cool now....not, lol.
It's hard to reshape our perceptions of what a real man is, so it helps me to visualize the real story of when I drink, in order to differentiate that from my false perceptions. I recall the attitude of superiority I often had while drinking, the false sense of bravado, the real fears of losing valued relationships, friendships, the loss of respect from others, the loss of self-respect, and ultimately the loss of any sane thinking on my part. It's insane to think my local favorite bar is like family to me, when no one there really cares if I show up at all, except the owner and bartenders who want me to spend every dime I have. It's insane to tell people I'm sick, when I'm really just hungover and feel like garbage, because once again I drank too much. It's insane to think my checks are made of rubber, they're not, but I sure tried to bounce as many of them as possible when I really needed a drink and didn't have any money left, because once again I'd blown it all at the bar. These are just a few of the ways my drinking took my "manhood" and made me into a drunk ahole with a ton of self-pity instead of self-respect. I think my perception of manhood was definitely a little off, lol.
I know how it feels to be lost, I've been there thousands of times, but it's easier to read a map when you're not stoned out of your mind, lol.