I do not know how to respond.
I listen at meetings--I rarely speak.
I hear the stories of how life is better in recovery---in spite of the fact that few people in the rooms get past the 6 month mark. I see my similarity to them and do not want to go down that path.
You all tell me there are better meetings out there--but I cannot find them. Since no one has been able to point me to one, I have gone out looking for myself and find myself going to places where no one has six months. Since it was suggested by people here, I am not going to AA anymore.
I have asked people on the phone, point blank, do I have to wait until I finish the 12-steps before I get relief. The answer was Yes. Because people here have said I should be calling people when I am struggling with the urge to use, I asked if there was ANYTHING I could do until then. One of the guys evaded and the other said I could do the steps in a couple days.
I have been taking suggestions from people here over the last few weeks. I could do like we do in meetings and tell you that everything is good now...it is all working out fine. But what good would that do for anyone?