Originally Posted by
miamifella 
Here is the background: I have a spectacularly unsuccessful history with 12-step programs. I have not gone beyond the second step and do not know if I ever can. (It has been over five years and I have a sponsor waiting to do a fourth step with me if I ever get that far.)
Your lack of success could be directly attributable to your lack of progress in working a recovery program, 12 step or not.
Originally Posted by
miamifella Lately online people have suggested to me that when I have cravings I should be calling other addicts (which is the exact opposite of what I had been taught when I first came into recovery).
Willing to bet that since it's been such a long time since you first 'came into recovery' that you've either forgotten everything you've learned or never learned it in the first place. Learned as in believed it with every ounce of your being. And as
many recovering crack addicts have mentioned here, if you've been clean/sober long enough, the cravings go away, if you haven't been, you're just
repeating that cycle-
use-stop-crave-use.
Originally Posted by
miamifella This makes sense to be, but as I try to get numbers of people to call I am being told that until I have finished the steps there is nothing to be done about cravings. I have three numbers and two of them have told me this. I am afraid to talk about it to the third because I do not want him to tell me not to call him if I am having trouble.
My guess is the folks you asked to be sponsors asked if you were willing to try it the
only way they know how-working the steps-and when you said no, they told you they wouldn't be willing to babysit an active addict. And I can hardly blame them for that.
Originally Posted by
miamifella This idea of calling gave me hope but now I guess that it would also make my staying clean dependent on others.
I feel like I am back at square one. I have tried going to meetings when craving, but that makes it worse. I have on many occasions called a dealer on leaving the meeting. I tried prayer and junk food like they say in the rooms but I do not believe in anything and don't like junk food, so they have not worked either.
Am I stuck with this until I get through the steps? I usually only relapse during holidays and vacation time, but I would like to break that cycle at Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.
I don't know. What I do know is that a lot of people here-folks who had boatloads of
wisdom and
experience-and I am not including myself in that group, btw-have given you excellent advice, and you have either
dismissed or ignored it
repeatedly.
I'd love to say more but I have a meeting to attend. Good luck.