[QUOTE=sailorjohn;2425289]Thought I'd share this, read a post here in the F&F section, recalled reading a chapter in one of the Toby Rice Drews "Getting Them Sober" series, thought this was relevant to share, and something I need to keep in mind now.
"If the alcoholic 'looks good' it doesn't mean he or she isn't alcoholic! 'Looking good' is a stage of the disease."
The a ch in my life always looks good. He is great looking and that is how he has slid by. However, there are those days when my office buzzes me to tell me he is there and he walks in with his face totally swollen from being beaten up, or his face is so swollen from the alcohol and the lack of water. Then he looks terrible. BUT he cleans up beautifully. Big woop. It is the inside that is the problem. He only wants to clean up the physical end. On occasion, he has dealt with the emotional/psych end, but he does not want to work a program because he "knows" it "does not work". That my friends is the excuse to keep on doing what he does. he is not done. His spirit is fed by the pipe. And when he is exhausted, humiliated and shamed into saying he is done, he is only "done" temporarily. My experience, which is why I have no contact.