Relapse
Many of you may remember me from a few years ago. My sons' father was a severe and neglecting drunk. He had done things that were truly unforgivable, but, of course I forgave and let him back...I was ashamed and therefore did not login for ages.
Well, He pulled himself together somewhat, got a job, wakes up at 6 everyday, cut out the liquor all together and drinks a minimum of lite beer at night.
He has been giving financial support for the first time in 4 1/2 years (my sons age), and he is comng home instead of staying out and sleeping around. It has been three months.
There is no program work, no therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or other help.
Now for the clincher: He has become the most controlling and outrageously abusive person on earth. He is Self righteous, calls everyone lazy, he is so far gone on his Self righteous kick, that I really do not think he hears how offensive he is being everyday. Three months of working, and he has forgotten that he just spent 5 years or more living as a full on transient couch surfing, jobless, and sleeping with girls to support his habit.
He claimed that since he was working and I am so lazy that I was not to leave the house at all if he had to work the next day, since I have to wake him up, and in his twisted projecting delusion I was going to stay out all night(?). I never stay out all night, am very responsible...If I tried to relate to his frustration about not having alot of free time, he would scream that I have no idea what it is like to be an adult! He WORKS, OK??? I do nothing. It takes NOTHINg to be a parent, and he is offended... Everday he would say if I am going to be the type of woman who has to "have a life", then he can and will go elsewhere, because, now HE is the healthy one making money and I am a lazy *uck who just lays around collecting his cash. Everyday he would threaten that now he has some value, and he doesnt need me---he can find any 20something who would love a man who works and can comply with his needs and what they require.
Um.... My question is, is this normal when the drunk gets some footing? He is obviously mentally troubled. But is this some type of DRY DRUNK? even though he still drinks the lite beer? Where does all this extreme and embarrassing self righteousness come from?
Well, I called his bluff yesterday, and when I got a sitter so that I could go and perform to meet an advertised obligation, he said I was an attention *****, and if this is who I am going to be he WILL leave me so I better shape up. I said go ahead and go. He did.
He has told all our friends and his family that he did everything I asked him to do, pulled himself together, stayed home, and that I failed him. I needed to be free and go out too much! (three times in 3 months,without him)
He continually says that I am now the ONLY NEGATIVE force in his life, and that he need s to move on to find a more positive life. ALL this after THREE MONTHS!!
any thoughts? any experiences with this?