Thank you for all your insight
This may sound silly but I think part of my failure to maintain sobriety was I just overthought the whole process. I got obsessed with how to correctly treat it. Who to talk to...what to read... I just ran over it so much that it became bigger than I needed to make it and I got tired of dealing with it. I started to feel like a nut. Part of that taking a drink at the office party was to try to prove I was just like everyone else. Of course, everyone didn't drink every day since.
I am no expert on this obviously. I am trying to figure out what makes me want a drink. Part of it was a routine but no there is something more...some trigger.