What wonderful progress you've made!
I'm still in contact with my parents, but I have rejected their definition of "achievement" and "ambition." My father always wanted me to be ambitious. I am, but not by his definition. He wanted me to "go places" in life. He wanted me to "achieve great things." (note my signature line)
I am not a bigwig earning millions per year. I am a married woman, who has an absolutely wonderful husband (in my eyes).
My dad's definition of 'ambitious' is 'make lots of money at all costs to health and happiness'. My definition is 'set goals and work hard to achieve them.' I have set many goals for myself and have met quite a few of them. One of my goals is to make the world a better place - would YOU define that as 'ambitious'? I do. I can't change the whole world, but I can change my little sphere within it. I hope some day my sphere will be bigger than it is now, but if not - well, I'll do what I can with what I have and continue to try to make the world a better place. And I probably won't make any money at all in doing so - those who make the world better rarely do so at a profit
Have I achieved things? Well, based on the oral history of my family from various relatives, both sides of my family come from generations of toxic, mean, aggressive alcoholics. I am not mean. I am not toxic (at least not knowingly). I do not drink. I have broken away from the majority of the behaviors I learned from my parents and am still working on the few that remain. In my mind, if I never acheive more, then I have still "achieved great things."
My definition is different than his. Sometimes it's good to remind yourself of that. Sometimes I'll actually say to my parents "I reject your reality and substitute my own." (I was the joker in the family, the peacemaker, so they hear it as a joke and laugh. They have no idea just how genuinely I mean it.)
It's okay to reject your parents' reality. Actually, I highly recommend it
YOUR reality is much more happy.