There is a meeting tonight. 1/2 hour away. Far enough, yet close enough. Womens only. I will go, I will go, I will go...I won't drink today. Crying again but hopeful. Thank you!
Jo you have brought a tear to my eye with that statement tied in with the rest of the post...... I pray that what I just read was your Aha! moment.
This I can promise you, life gets so much better the further an alcoholic gets from thier last drink as long as they are working on changing them selfs and becoming a better person. That is not to say that alcoholics are bad people, we are not bad, but alcoholism has taken us places we never would have gone if we were not alcoholics that are not good places, a HUGE part of recovery is learning to deal with our past, making amends for those we have harmed in our past aides in our ability to forgive our selfs, to rid our selfs of guilt and shame.
I am a different man today then I was when I was drinking. Today I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, a friend, today I am a man who finds far more joy in helping some one else then in pleasing my own desires. The world no longer revolves around me, instead I am a part of the world.
This did not happen overnight for me, you see I was a drunk, I spent many years out of touch with reality and wallowing in self pity, self hatred, guilt and shame (Notice every one of those things centered around ME!), it took time and a lot of work, but I can tell you that it was ALL worth it!!!
Recovery is not about not drinking, recovery is about learning how to deal with life on lifes terms on a daily basis and not having the idea of a drink being a good thing any more.
The program and fellowship of AA along with my HP have brought me to where I am today, daily I continue to apply what I have learned and though far from perfect my life continues to get better.
My wife asked me after I had been sober about a year "Martin if a doctor told you that you only had 3 months to live would you drink again?" Without a thought I replied "No, I like being sober to much."