ZionLion
I am sorry that it all seems so hopeless right now, but please take a deep breath and don't do anything until you feel better. I am so sorry that you are going through this alone, but please know that we are all walking beside you.
My mother was widowed with 3 children when I was 6 years old, and she had no particular training to work, but she found a job with the Goverment in the Tourist industry, which she loved, and she managed okay and gave us all lots of love and responsibility to share.
It may seem hard, but if you need to and if you want to you CAN do it alone. God always provides for us and gives us what we need, not always what we want, but we are promised that we will get our daily bread and although I would always prefer to know the whole loaf was there, daily is good enough for me.
Staying or going is always a personal choice here, and many have learned that they can stay and still find happiness. The thing is that the key to our happiness lies with us, and nobody else holds it, not even your husband. It took me a long time to find that key, but by working a program and focusing on my recovery, I can honestly say my days are happy.
Take your time. You don't have to do anything today, or until you are ready. Doing nothing can be an action that allows you to wait for the answer. Just try to make a plan, on what you would do if you left and what you would do if you stayed, and keep that in a safe place in your mind so that you know you have options and aren't trapped anymore.
Hugs and prayers for all of you
Ann