Hi Jo,
Yep, we all struggle to admit, and more to accept that we are "real" alcoholics.
Consider this, do "normal" people think they may have diabetes, or do they find out through the dr.? Bear with me. If alcoholism is a disease, it seems to me that one could be diagnosed by a physician, however most people will minimize how much they drink when discussing this with the doc, so the diagnoses is often inaccurate. When I told my doc how much I drank and was honest about it, he told me I had chronic alcoholism, that I was a chronic alcoholic and needed help if I wanted to improve my condition. But I had to be honest with him to begin with. Are you being honest with yourself about your alcohol consumption? Does drinking enhance your life or damage it in any way? Is it a combination, and if so, where does the enhancement end and the damage begin? Can you control your consumption without outside regulators, such as a husband saying no, can you do it by yourself and stop at an established level of consumption? Is it really about a glass of wine, or a couple bottles, boxes, or train boxcars? For me, if I had a swimming pool full of booze, most people would say, "Hey, where's the water, I'm not swimming in that", but me, hell I'd jump right in and laugh about it, till the hangover the next day, not to mention the horrid smell I'd have to deal with, lol.
I heard a real simple definition about alcoholism that may help you. It is, "if drinking alcohol causes you problems, then you have a problem with alcohol".
Hope this helps a bit.
One day at a time,
Dallas