how can someone be scared of talking, looking at people, worrying about being "dry"...
If some one is an alcoholic/addict it is the norm and not the exception!
I make little eye contact with people and those that "know my problems" i make no eye contact what so ever
I was that way for MANY years, today thanks to being sober and taking the steps I look the whole world in the eye, I no longer have the shame or guilt that my alcoholism brought me. Shame & guilt is one huge weapon that alcohol & drugs use.
Think about it, we drink or drug to much and we start to suffer from guilt and shame.... how do we escape from the guilt and shame? We drink and drug!!! It is a vicous cycle, the alcohol and drugs seem to be the only way to rid our selfs of the shame and guilt! The steps of AA offered us a solution to guilt and shame that do not involve the guilt and shame brought upon us by drugs and alcohol.
I worry how I will cope with out drinking or using
Trust me, I had the same worries in spades, alcohol was my life for many years, the last 5 years I drank I did nothing (Except work & sleep) unless I was drinking! I did not draw a sober breath my last 5 years. I was scared to death of sobriety because I did not know how to live life sober!!! What I have found is that every single thing I did while drinking I can do BETTER today and I remember what I did the next day!!!
What is even better is the number of new things I do and can do today because I am sober!!! The world has become my oyster if I choose to pursue it!
will my head ever stop racing
Mine did, it did not happen quickly, but it did happen, it took me staying sober, it took time, work, and taking the steps, once I started working on cleaning up the wreckage of my past the "racing" slowed, the more wreckage I cleaned up the slower it got. Today I can be alone at peace with myself and the world, one additional reason for this is I no longer have any secrets.
will i lose that as well, the sense of being safe.
Absolutely NOT!!!! I feel safe today, I have no fear of people any more because I no longer owe any one anything! I have made amends to those I have harmed. I have no fear of bill collectors or my power or gas being shut off because I actually pay my bills now! I feel safe driving because I know that if a cop pulls me over I will not get arrested for being drunk or high and there will be nothing in my truck that is illegal.
Think about it, do you really feel safe when you are holding? Do you REALLY feel safe drunk? Could it be that you are mistaking escaping reality by drinking and drugging for a feeling of safety? When I was drunk I had no fear because I really did not give a SH!T, not because I felt safe.
I don't have the AA number, I can get the address from the place i go to my support worker but I don't have any local numbers, of any number.
PM me where you are in Engalnd and I will see if I can get you the phone number, but if you look in your phone book it is listed under the "A"s, I promise!!!
PLEASE understand that
YOU ARE NOT ALONE no matter how lonely the drugs and alcohol make you feel!