I can sooooo understand the conflicting feelings of ending a relationship with XAB. I got out a year ago and the grieving process has been difficult; I too think grieving a death would be easier though perhaps I am wrong to say that - no offence meant. You are right when u say that sometimes it seems like HE is the only person who would understand something, or that you can miss the good times so much. Truthfully though, there was so much misery in my relationship due to alcoholism; we both needed to stop drinking and get help. Unfortunately only I did. This illness destroys people; it takes their lives and then it kills them. It destroys families; it has all but destroyed me. But I am living one day at a time and I do know that I made the right decision to end it, even if it is painful at times still. I feel better than I used to anyhow, and my ex has a new girlfriend. That was a terrible time when I found that out. I think until that point I had held out a hope that he might 'see the light' and seek help! Alcohol hasn't finished with him yet though. Anyhow I am doing the best I can to bring up my children and get on with my life and hopefully I will one day have a good and healthy relationship with a good and healthy man when I am good and healthy myself. With love and encouragement xxx