Tyler, I had sole custody of my daughter, her father was far away. I married a man later who was a great dad, but his ex-wife had sole custody of his 2 sons. So I have been both in your wife's position, and in yours to an extent.
I always tried to just keep the anger, fear and resentment away from the kids. I always tried to maximize our time with my step sons, and make each visit really special, and I tried to do what was right for my daughter when matters with her biological father came up. Parenting is hard, and co-parenting under these circumstances is extra tricky.
Because the man I married and I went to great lengths to protect our children from the ugly parts, and love them as best we could, we have very close relationships with all 3 of the children now, they are all grown.
Be patient with her when you can. Know that you are where you are suppose to be on your journey, and be grateful for the time you share. Things will get better.~