Thanks for sharing more information about your AH (Alcoholic Husband).
Some alcoholics are able to put down the drink and never go back. Their done. period. Some alcoholics have to keep picking it back up and prove to themselves that they are powerless over alcohol, repeatedly.
I hope his sobriety is long-term for the sake of his children and family. If he is able to stay sober and support himself, he may be able to help you financially.
How about you, Tansy?
Have you attended any Alanon meetings? Have you considered private counseling?
One of the first things I learned at Alanon and here at SR was the three C's:
You did not cause him to drink
You can not control his drinking
You will not cure his drinking
His drinking everyday had nothing to do with you. An alcoholic will blame their enabler for taking a breath just to justify another drink. An alcoholic will blame the sky for being too blue to justify another drink. Don't take his toxic words and actions personally. His toxic words and actions are his to own. Let him keep them. You can put them right down and walk away from the toxic words and actions. You have better things to do with yourself!
I got so caught up in trying to control my household and keep everything in check that I forgot to take care of myself. I was constantly trying to control situations so the alcoholic wouldn't over react, over indulge, and trying to communicate to the children why daddy gets mad, etc. I was exhausted trying to take care of everything and everyone.
I discovered I was co-dependent. I was caught up in trying to control everything and everyone, but neglecting to take care of the only thing I really had control over - myself. I read a book by Melody Beattie called "Codependent No More". I saw myself in those pages. I began to make changes in my life so that I can take better care of ME. I still am trying to remember where my responsibilities end and where another person's begins. It's called keeping my side of the street clean. I have to let other adults keep their side of the street however they like!
I hope you will stick around and read some of the sticky posts at the top of this forum. You will read a lot of our stories and understand that you are not alone. We're here to support you!