Count me in, I'm committed. Well about 85%. I'm scared about the financial side of this.
I have no where to go even if I did have the guts to leave. I don't make enough $ to support myself & my boys. My family lives in another state. I've gone over this 1000 times in my head and I can't figure out how I will ever be free of him. How does a woman with thousands of dollars worth of debt, a job that I love but won't support me on my own and 2 small boys move out of her house? Where does the money for food, rent, car payments, insurance, gas and childcare come from? I honestly don't know.
What I do know with certainty is if we don't live separately during this process then we will end up together again. That's exactly what happened last year. He does NOT want a divorce and is doing everything within his power to keep me here. He's sober (currently), he's bringing in income (we can pay the bills this month) and he's being an attentive father. He's making many attempts to be an attentive partner. Roses & lilies were delivered to my work last Friday with a little note about how he hoped I didn't mind if he slipped these (flowers) past my boundaries.
My "boundaries" have become the little joke between us. He continually hits on me, sends me emails, texts, comments on FB about how attractive (etc) he thinks I am. I have asked him to stop.... and I do mean it, I want him to stop. But there is an unhealthy part of me that tells myself it would just be easier if I stay with him. I love him, I do.
I need to part of the BB system because I'm worried that I might not be strong enough to go, and the part of me that want's to be healthy knows I need to go.