I often catch myself wondering who has the problem here. Social and casual drinking has been in our lives for 20 years of our marriage. It's only been the last 4 years that it has begun to (severely) affect our relationship. Has she always acted the same way and only recently am I not being able to cope? No, it's different now. Now she drinks every night, she becomes a completely different person, and I don't get to talk to her when I get home from work because she's lit or passed out. She wakes and can't remember anything, I wake and feel resentful (but say nothing) and the cycle is fulfilled ready for a new day. I know what you're thinking. I have to take care of myself and thus break the cycle. I'm getting better at that bit by bit, day by day. I just look ahead down that road and see the destination as the ultimate demise of our marriage. That hurts the most. I'd say this qualifies as her drinking being a problem for her and my reaction to her drinking a problem for me.
FF