Never thought I would google this topic!
Greetings,
My name is Michael, I'm 37 married with 4 kids (3 that live with their mother my ex wife and 1 that lives with me and my current wife whose son I adopted). I see my kids every other day and every other weekend.
My growing up in a family of drinkers is so damn predictable and cookie cut that I won't even explain it. I'm a professional who knows through clients the risk of abusing alcohol. I've always been a "drinker", at first 6-10 beers a night after work (just like both my parents) for many years and then I started drinking Captain Morgan’s as I enjoyed the taste. Never had a criminal offense and alcohol never had a obvious effect on my work to co workers but there has been many times I went to work feeling hung over.
In the last 2 years I have been privately concerned about my increased drinking. I would pick up a fifth of Captain Morgan’s Monday through Wednesday, my wife would have 2 drinks and I would consume the rest of the bottle myself. After the 4th night I would take a night "off" from drinking. I guess I'd say I did this so I wouldn't feel like I "needed" a drink. Then it's Friday so I buy another fifth for Friday or half gallon for the weekend.
That was my routine for the last perhaps 3 years. In the last 6-8 months I told my wife we should slow down on the drinking, mine being the amount and frequently her being the frequency. She was fine with this, yet when she got home from work she would check the freezer for a bottle.
In the last 4 months I have done the typical red flag behavior. I would buy a fifth pour half in a empty pint and hide the half empty fifth somewhere in the house. My wife would think I was slowing down on my drinking and I was actually drinking the same. I've been doing this for about 4 months and drinking a fifth a night 6-7 days a week.
The messed up thing is I should know better, I've been trained to recognized substance abusers. The shame and guilt reached its crest last weekend when I found hidden empty fifth bottles I forgot about around the house. I have been thinking I was ok as I lost 30 pounds in the last 12 months due to running a few times a week and changing my eating habits, so things seemed fine to me right? This was one of my self explanations that I was not over doing it.
On this past Sunday there was no alcohol in the house, I decided it was time to change the drinking before I became addicted. I am actually scared that I am addicted. Today is Thursday and other than 1 glass of wine last night (which I could barely finish) I have not drank anything since last Saturday (nor has my wife). I feel no emotional or physical need for alcohol today but I have felt fatigued and a little foggy headed all week. By noon I need a nap and have gone to bed before 9:00pm all week (2 hours earlier than normal).
What’s my point? I don’t even know, due to my career I don’t feel able to talk to anyone about this and have always been one to deal with his problems alone.
Michael