(((((Tigger)))))
You are doing really good. Keep going to your counseling and your Al-Anon meetings and, of course, posting here <vbg>.
Going to give you a brief synopsis of how the practicing alkie's thinking progresses, from my own days out there using and abusing:
"Hmm she's no longer doing what I want, she's going to counseling and that Al-Anon stuff, she's going to leave me, destroy my life (drinking), I'll beat her to it, then she'll be the bad guy."
Now that is the short version, but I suspect that if other sober alkies on here read it they remember their thinking processess such as they were, while drinking. In truth it is a long convoluted process that makes no sense whatsoever, lol I know ............... my old rationalizations and justifications, when I look at them in the cold light of today make absolutely no sense whatsoever. His won't either.
His reasons, don't meant a thing. Yes, you are going to go through grief, and 'blaming' yourself, but please don't dwell there. One day, hopefully not too far in the future you will start to realize what a gift you have been given.
I have no doubt that you will regain your peace and serenity and we will walk with you in spirit to get there.
Love and hugs,