The one thing that comes to mind is are you taking care of you? What have you done to help yourself out with all that you've been through? My drinking became quite vicious when I was married. The marriage was unhealthy so I drank and that continued until I was so sick. All it did was cover up the issues. I never dealt with what was the problem. Quite frankly, I really didn't know how to and alcohol was my best friend. It was horrible.
When I finally was in a situation where I needed to help myself and the bottle was gone, I was an emotional and mental mess. I had thought the whole time I was being strong and I wasn't. I was in so much pain that once I got sober, I cried for almost a month straight.
Two years later here I am and am feeling much better today. Alcohol solved nothing for me and just made the situation worse. I'm so grateful to be sober, DIVORCED and to have my life back.
My heart goes out to you. Glad you found us. I'm sure you'll probably get tons of great insight that I bet you'll find helpful. Welcome to SR!!
