My experience is that, much of the time, one gets a very, very different attitude and approach from Al Anons than from AAs on issues like finding a sponsor, working the Steps, etc..... In my experience, AAs typically have a much greater sense of urgency and of "the right way" vs. any other way with these things.......and that is a sense of urgency as in "this-is-a-life-or-death-matter" and that I personally share, even though I am Al Anon -- and not a "double winner."
My personal feeling is that my recovery and my spiritual journey are
just as important and urgent as
anyone else's. So, when I decided that I was going to "do the 12 Step deal," I wanted to get to it and I wanted a sponsor. It ended up that things didn't go exactly as I had planned:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2354258
But, you know, I was extremely determined, and so I did what I had to do to make it work for me. Also, at this point (closing in on 6 years), the person on whom I rely most often for "sponsorship"-like support is an AA woman, sober 28 years,.......and, lately, I've been getting the added benefit of her sponsor's support, too -- and that woman has been sober longer than God!
I guess there's probably a couple of things I would say, in general, about getting what you need: The 12 Steps are the 12 Steps, and, if you can't find everything you need and want in one set of rooms, attend open meetings in the rooms of other programs, too. When you've been seen around long enough to be known and long enough to be perceived as serious and willing to do the deal, you will have a lot more options open to you for help, support and fellowship. Anyone who truly lives the last phrase of the 12th Step ("and to practice these principles in all our affairs") is not going to be playing exclusivity games.
One other thing that I think is important: really, truly you do not want a sponsor to whom you might find yourself sexually attracted or who might find herself attracted to you -- that's really what the "same-sex sponsorship" rule comes down to. So, if one of the ladies you've met has what you want -- spiritually and in general program-wise -- and you are relatively confident that sexual attraction would not be an issue on either side, then just go and present your case to her, focusing on your commitment to working a good program and on what you see in her program and character that you want. If her own recovery is truly strong, she should not be so overly hung-up on the "rules" (of which, BTW, there actually are none -- they are all "suggestions") that she'll refuse to help you out -- at least temporarily. And temporarily is fine for a start.
Bottom line, I guess I would just say, whatever happens, don't let anything stand between you and working your program.
Good luck --
freya