Detaching is tricky isn't it? Keeping the focus on me seems to help. Pulling away and not acting, not letting my thoughts go down any path that leads to hysteria. Or as you so beautifully described it, raging and crying, begging and threatening,
Sometimes my emotions suprise me, sometimes they sucker punch me. But I've learned several tricks that help. You can't shut off emotions, not unless you want to commit yourself and be fed colorful pills in little paper cups all day while wearing your jammies.
When feelings arise, I call them by name several times slowly. Just acknowledging what they are somehow allows me to not be so affected by them. They're just emotions (cue BeeGee Music) and saying their name helps take away their power. Then I can observe the emotion, watch it rise and fall, and not react. It's very cool and really works. It makes me feel like an adult when I really need to not react like a little kid.
Like saying, "this is anger," several times. When you're mad. For me it's almost always about fear. Fear fuels my anger and sadness and shame.
I know it sounds nuts. It'some kind of Buddist thing. I learned this trick from a disembodied spirit being channelled through a deaf Quaker woman. True story!
I hope you're regularly getting out, taking walks, getting exercise and doing wonderful things for yourself!