It's amazing isn't it - you see the same themes repeating themselves again and again.
I too can relate to having a perfectionist mother, to having every little mistake being pointed out to me, to never being good enough.
Originally Posted by
dothi 
I think it's hard for us to feel like we can simply move forward because our brains are stuck developmentally at that stage where we're still relying on them to let us know that we're making smart choices.
What I have done over the past couple of months is to take several major decisions and steps without involving my codependent mother. The freedom it has given me is incredibly liberating eg my mother knows nothing about the fact my own family has recently been assessed by social services. By not involving her, I am free from her fears, her suspicions, her negative, judgemental attitude, her blame of me not being "perfect" - it is so great not to have this weight dumped on me.
One of the biggest lessons that I have learnt from SR is to distance yourself / not engage with unhealthy people (family or not). It feels strange at first but I have got used to it amazingly quickly - I guess that speaks volumes.
Take care, IWTHxxx