Thread: Confrontation with Codependent Mother
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Old 10-22-2009, 06:03 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
dothi
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Originally Posted by cupido View Post
Just writing these lines I realize I seek for some kind of closure where someone understands why I have to think of myself first.
It may feel codependent, but frankly after a childhood of having been trained to ignore your own needs, I think a little encouragement and validation for taking care of yourself are in order.

This strikes a chord for me. It's been over a year since I moved away from my family (alcoholic father, codependent mother), and I can feel that I am still unhealthily immeshed to some extent. My mom and sister still talk to me, but my brother has stopped. I guess I want to feel understood that I had to leave in order to start putting myself first (instead of them and the ongoing alcohol-related drama). It's dumb because I "abandoned" them and yet I'm feeling abandoned, that not only was I not worth treating well while I was there, but now that I'm gone... Yes, nice ACOA rationalizations at work.

I think it's hard for us to feel like we can simply move forward because our brains are stuck developmentally at that stage where we're still relying on them to let us know that we're making smart choices.
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