Saphie you started this thread of with one of the keys to sobriety..... brutal honesty, you told on yourself, you let us know what you were thinking!
Second, you used that second key to sobriety, Open minded! You read the replies and digested them.
Third, you used the third key to sobriety, Willingness, a willingness to take actions suggested!!!
Saphie remember the acronym HOW, Honesty, Open mindeness, & Willingness. You amy not see it or feel it yet, but you are making progress, and yes, you are helping me and many others by demonstrating and sharing what you are doing to stay sober. I look forward to giving you congrats for 30 days.