Eggie,
That's a tough one. I can't imagine I would have stayed sober if that obsession was eating away at me for over a year. I don't want to give you the impression that you've done something wrong in your recovery. I don't think it works like that.
All I can tell you about is my experience. I was desperate and hopeless when I got sober. The powerless idea was obvious to me, and I was willing to do anything to stop drinking. The first day I didn't drink I was deep in the Big Book with a knowledgeable sponsor. We met every couple of days and worked through the first three steps in a couple of weeks, and I started immediately on an inventory.
Somewhere in that process, I had a realization that I hadn't thought about taking a drink that day, and I really couldn't recall thinking about it for a few days. It kind of snuck up on me. I finished the inventory, 5th stepped it, went immediately home and did 6 and 7. Then I made a list and started making amends. As I made my amends, I made Steps 10 and 11 part of my daily practice.
Gradually (it felt gradual, but thinking about the timeline again, I guess it was pretty sudden), I felt this power in my life. Not all day every day, but it was a power I couldn't deny despite all my attempts to deny it. It was there. A spiritual awakening was undeniable. My perceptions were altered and my actions were different. At about 5-6 months, I started sponsoring guys.
Like I said, there's no reason to think you did anything wrong with recovery. But I've sponsored a few guys that were sort of in the same boat as you. They've sort of been through the Steps, but still have some reservations. I don't think they are as honest as you, but I'm guessing they still entertain thoughts of drinking. Some of them have relapsed.
With the guys I know in that position, it screams from their words and deeds that they have not undergone that profound transformation that we call a spiritual awakening. They have done enough to keep them sober for a time. I sort of think they are just waiting for that inevitable day to come, and I suggest we look at how thorough their inventory and amends were. In short, I suggest we take the Steps again. Some do, some don't.
I've been through the Steps a number of times in sobriety, and every time it's been a new experinece and a deeper relationship to a higher power for me. I'm not saying that you have to continually be formally taking the Steps, but it's never hurt me.
That Big Book is filled with directions. I take those directions seriously and follow them to the best of my ability. Maybe there are some directions in there that could benefit you as well.