Hi Ash.
I'm glad I didn't grow up in any particular religion based on what you and many others have said about religion in there childhood. AA was really the first place I started to see the need to take the God thing seriously in order to stay sober. "A God of your choosing" tweeked my interest and so I started looking. It has taken a few years for me, like you I wanted it now but that just didn't happen, it's been a process of spiritual growth for me. Spiritual growth is the journey for me now.
I have started calling myself a Christian now but that word means many different things to many different people. For me it's not about the religion you grew up with. AA taught me about spirituality not religion. The difference for me is Spirituality is a personal relationship with God (my higher power). Religion inserts itself between God and me as a middle man and tells me what God is....that sounds like your childhood experience and is not my definition of being a Christian today. Two more definitions for you that are mine that may help you.....may not.....Religion is about rules - Spirituality is about freedom from rules (Yes even my Christian based spirituality). I know many will disagree with that one.....the last one you may hear in AA. Religion is of man spirituality is of God.
I am not interested in religion myself but I do rely on God on a daily basis. Both AA and the church I go to are there to help me with my personal relationship with God. I don't need to go to either one to have a personal relationship with God or to grow spiritually but I enjoy the companionship of people on the same journey as I am so I go because I want to. The church I go to is very clear on this, they say themselves I don't ever need to go back to church again, they don't believe in being a middle man for me. As I said the same holds true with AA although you will find a lot of people who use the AA fellowship, the meetings, as their Higher power who will tell you continued meetings are essential.....I have seen that work for many so I'm not knocking it.
I hope that helps in some way Ash, whatever works for you is all that matters. Spiritual growth brings with it emotional growth and drinking/drugging fades away. Growth = change however you find it. Spiritual growth is a new and much better way of life for me. To live life on my own self propulsion is to put limits on what life is about.