Hey firestorm. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Relationships are such a killer. I know you say you're not involved but this situation is affecting you. Boundary issues??? Whether it may be that she doesn't respect yours or you haven't laid down the law for her?
Maybe you're concerned about hurting her feelings?
I'm going to share with you where I'm at when it comes to other people. If it helps and I hope it does, great.
While trying to figure out how to conduct myself with others there is one thing I keep in mind as well and that's how THEY are treating me. Are they respecting my space? My boundaries? Are they doing it after I've told them how I feel? If all the answers there are "no" then this is how I proceed........... I quit worrying about how they feel. I let go of the fact that they may get upset when I tell them "you've crossed my line, YOU'RE DONE!!!" And just pull the plug. Rip it like a band-aid. I know that sounds a little dramatic, however sometimes I feel people need to just get it and there's no being nice about it any more. It's either them or me. And it's going to be me.
I'm so glad you're going to get a plan in motion for yourself. I do hope you're going to do that OP thing. Once you get the coping skills to deal with this stuff life will get better.
Good luck!! Let us know how it all goes.