Ginger, I am so sorry you lost your mother. I lost my father years ago, and at the time I was drinking heavily - so of course I only increased the amount I was drinking when that happened. I made a fool of myself all during the funeral arrangements, funeral, and aftermath. I wish I had been clear headed and grieved properly - the way you are.
What you're going through is so painful, but it must be gone through - no way to avoid it. You should be so proud of yourself for handling things this way - everything you're experiencing is a perfectly normal and healthy reaction. You'll find that one day the intensity of the pain will lessen. (Your mom would not want to be the cause of your sadness. Maybe you could think of it that way.) I'm glad you shared this with us.