Yea, can't tell you how many times I've done the "moderation" experiment!!! Never seems to work for me, but I keep trying!! I think I'm done with all of that, but I'd be lying if I said it still didn't enter my mind from time to time.
I'm here reading daily, post sometimes, sometimes not. I've struggled with this for so long I sometimes feel like I don't really have much to add to the discussion. But as many times as I've screwed up and came back here, everyone is always nice. So I hang in there.
I'm the same way as you with the AA thing. I've been to literally hundereds of both AA and NA meetings, but it never reallly "felt right" to me. So many people talk about the experience of "feeling at home" when they go to a meeting, but I've never really experienced that. Everyone was always really nice and willing to help, but it just never felt like the place for me. I'm kinda anti-social, so that might be part of it.
Glad you're hanging in there. I don't think I could handle it in Holland. I visited for a few days when I was in Europe and OMG it was like heaven for a pot head. I'd go out and walk, hit a coffee shop, smoke, walk some more, eat, and repeat several times!! At the time it was fun, but I just can't "go there" anymore. Best of luck. Do you do the X-box Live thing? I'm probably going to get a new membership in a couple of months. Perhaps we can get together for a game sometime. Take care.