Thanks for the amazing words of wisdom all. Here's a bit of background info on our family dynamics. (By the way, I have done a search for AL ANON meetings for my area. I'll be going this Friday. Enough . Is. Enough)
I was disowned for not aborting my son when I was 18 years old. I was "disowned" due to him thinking it was "tough love"....we reconciled due to me getting into a near fatal car accident.
In 2006 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So it changed the dynamics of things. I'm not making excuses for him, but while I battle my disease...my dad battled his up in Alaska. He HATES not being in control. He's been an alcoholic all my life and has never acknowledged this to himself or anyone.
When he gets drunk on the weekends, he totally forgets what he said or did. He turns it around on the other person. He's done this with several of his friends on a political forum board that he runs.
He'll get extremely drunk and will just be absolutely vicious to people on there, then turn around and claim they are liars the next day when they bring it up.
It's embarassing for ME because I run that same political forum board he does.
My sister isn't in his life because he "disowned" her and alienated her from the family. Same thing with my brother. My brother made some really poor decisions (stealing my dad's bank info and opening credit cards in my dad's name) and so my dad disowned and "exiled" him as well.
I'm pretty much the one my dad is pinning his hopes and dreams on to finish college and amount to something that none of his kids have as of yet, achieved. If that makes sense.
Because I had cancer, because I'm in college, and I got my life in order.... he doesn't want me to screw up, so he tries to run things from Alaska.
I can't do anything without his permission or approval!
Anyway..........enough of that. I just wanted to specify a bit more on the dynamics. Although, I don't know how much good it'll do. He's still an alcoholic, he's still viciously cruel on Fridays and Saturdays.
I put myself as invisible on AOL and no phone calls yet. He did apologize, not for being cruel, but for being "too confrontive". I just don't think he understands that when he says those things, that it strikes deep.
I've only just recently acknowledged that my dad is truly an alcoholic...... I've always "known" but never actually sought out help for ME because I always thought "Well he's in Alaska, I'm in Delaware... he can't do anything"..... but he can. I've always felt the need to have his approval.
Everything I did, I attempted to achieve his approval. But lately, it has become more of a choke collar than something to be proud of. Everytime I try to pull away into my own direction, he yanks at it and hurts me. And it's getting to the point that I want to bite and take off at a run.
I love him, and I don't want to lose the good relationship we have when he's sober. But I'm coming to realize his controlling behavior is just too much for me and my family.
My husband is getting to the point that HE wants to tell my father off..... but he knows the futility in that. My dad will only turn it around onto me or my husband.
Thank you all for the amazing support. This is my first step in getting help for me and my family.
I spoke with my brother last night (he's not doing that crap anymore) and he agrees with my decision.