Well I am still sick with this miserable cold. I think it is trying to turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. But I have a dr. appt next week, so hope to be feeling better soon.
I had just typed a long lament. But after reading it, I backspaced it all because I realize it still boils down to:
I have no control over him or his addiction.
Addicts operate on two emotions: causing anger or anxiety.
Right now he's causing me anxiety.
But, I can only do something about my own attitudes and own feelings concerning this anxiety.
Can't make him call me or do anything for me. (curiosity is killing this cat!) Nor do I want to, because it would all just be for manipulative reasons to find out where he is at. All my needs are met, I have meds and soup and juice. So no reason to make contact other than I can't stand the silence. I feel like we are in some stupid standoff to see who buckles first and calls!
Last time it was me and it was disastrous!
So, back to step 1 I go!
I still want to hope at this point that things will work out. And I can't make him do it until he wants to. I am not ready to give up on him, but I am ready to let go.
Thanks for just letting me vent. These feelings were just stacking up inside and I could feel myself working up to an inappropriate behavior. (actually I did call his cell phone but as soon as I heard it ring, I immediately hung up. NO MORE OF THAT!)
Ok, I am going to bed before I do anything else. Sleep tight everyone!
