I'm 29. I've lost most my life, and all my adulthood...
Don't know where to fit in anymore. Yeah, I'm just depressed coming off the euphoria of earlier, but that's not a new idea for me. The whole world is just confusing to me, how people interact and so on. The last time I fit in was in the street life as a child/adolescent. I am absolutely totally out of my league nowadays--and so far from anything I know I can barely make connections between actions I see on people around me and the emotion/behavior they represent...although I am learning (trial by fire is always fun). When I first came to school, I thought everybody hated me--they kept smiling at me...lol. Different gestures, different meanings... don't know any that are universal, and I haven't been that far really.
Anyways, I did go to that meeting, and after I talked to some people for maybe a half an hour. A few of them told me I'd be better off going to a meeting nearer my house--which I understand, but I tried that and they weren't friendly at all, sometimes downright hostile. They said I was an inconvenience--that doesn't make me want to go really. A farther away meeting might deny me the ability to hang out with them, but that seems to apply anywhere without a car. And any nonprofessional human interaction is an improvement--well, with the exception of being yelled at all the time which is mostly what I get. So, for now I'll take that. And later, when I can drive again, I guess I'll go back to the next town--it's obviously not friendship when they can't be bothered, but it'd be closer and something to do.
And I have to stop driving, even sober. It's becoming a bad habit, and easier to justify when I was drinking. As I remember the things I did this week, and read some of the things I wrote here (I can only imagine what I said and to who), I shouldn't have been driving for sure.
Shouldn't have been out of my house, or allowed near a computer, for that matter. FWIW, I apologize to all. And I thank all y'all that talked to me in the chat room and read/responded to my posts/PMs. :ghug2
Well, take care now.
-TB, covered in pretend ants and a few real ones just to make it interesting...